I once did a total Nanna thing and wrote a letter to the editor of our local paper here regarding the absolute waste of money and space that are personalised number plates. You know, the $3,000+ plates that say such fabulous things as BMWX5 (Really, really? Didn’t you just spend over $100,000 for a car that has that very thing stated on a badge on the car?) Or SMINE (Yes it’s yours, who the fuck else’s is it?)

The reaction wasn’t all that overwhelming; in fact I only got one response. And it was a karate Sensei. Is that what they are? Karate Master? A pretty radical karate dude anyway. His numberplate is KARATE. His argument was that he increased business because his already very obviously plastered car that had his business name XXXKarate all over the doors, bonnet and boot, generated more business because his $3,000 (coincidentally, depreciable on his income tax) numberplate. Sure dude. What evs. Although due to my lack of self-defence skills, I of course would never say that to his face.

I live quite close to Sovereign Island. Which if there were a mini-Olympics for the most ridiculous and pompous personalised number plates, it would win hands down.

I dare you to sit at Paradise Point on any given Sunday afternoon, face the street have a coffee and watch the parade of wankers go by. I bet you would see some variant of the following:

DEEVA – Obviously she was never Spelling Bee champion and clearly high maintenance.

WAZ HIS – He cheated on her. So, she’s taken him for everything, including his shitty Commodore and then got a numberplate more expensive than the actual car is worth, as revenge. Money well spent dipshit.

$110,000 – The amount of money spent on the fake boobs, lips, thighs, hair, eyebrows etc etc, that is ensconced in car displaying said tacky numberplate.

SEXY1 – Really? Let’s hope to god when he/she steps out of that beema, they are freaking hot. If not, foolish is about to get a new image in the dictionary.

IM 2 HOT – Small Penis on board

OWZATT – Warney. Avoid if you are female.

GOODGRL – Doubtful

LMFAO – What exactly are you laughing your fucking arse off at? The fact that you just gave the state gov another three thousand bucks you didn’t have to?

The good news is, BIARTCH, at time of writing is still available. So hop to it Queenslanders.

Get in there and give the government more of your hard earned dollars to show everyone else how truly great you are.