So the crappy neighbours have moved out. And I didn’t even know it.

If only they had applied such stealth in the way they lived their lives to how they moved house.

Let’s call the couple who lived next door, Dazza and Shazza. Or D & S for short. D & S moved in around a year ago to the highset rental house next to us. A young couple in their very early 20’s we didn’t have the pleasure of getting to know them which was more than likely caused by the very first night of their stay.

They had a “house-warming” party. Or a riot. You be the judge. From my experience, parties usually end somewhere at worst, early hours of the morning. Oh no, this was a 24 hour event full of loud cars coming and going, loud yelling and boys wearing hats perpendicular to their heads. The ones you just want to slap right off.

Next day when they were still recreating the night be fore’s hilarity on their veranda, my husband toddled over and politely said “that’s not going to happen again is it?” half asking but mostly instructing. Shazza shook her head and implored to him that it was a one off. Shazza isn’t so good with maths as it turns out, because they had no less than 15 events Corey Worthington would be happy to put his name to, in the next 6 months.

I became Mrs Mangel on a rampage. I found out who managed the house, I wrote to the owners direct, I called the cops (who by the way said unless someone was being hurt, nothing they could do). The agent instructed me they were living cleanly and she had never heard a party. Um no dickhead, unless you are doing drivebys at 4am, of course you won’t see anything.

It got to the point where I was so stressed out, I was imagining ways to make their lives hell to reciprocate the atrocious way they were treating our neighbourhood. One night I even did a walk-by egging. Except I threw the egg into the yard and it didn’t break. It just sat there. So the next day no doubt they got up, walked down the stairs and wondered how in the fuck a whole egg got there. Passive Aggressiveness is my speciality. Clandestine egging is not.

Amazingly enough they settled down after one Sunday morning, after being up all night listening to them yell and talk utter shit, I got out the ultimate weapon. Hot Potato sung by the wiggles, full bore, directed at their windows on repeat. And then went out for the day.

So to be honest it kind of saddens me now, because they were just getting the idea of being normal members or society and respecting their neighbours. Please powers that be, just send us a normal family next time. One where I don’t have go Sunny Queen on their arse.