So here’s what no one tells you when your mother gets sick.

She will turn in to someone you don’t want to be around.

Awful. Truly awful I know.
But I guess what I’m trying to say is that, in a normal day, when someone says something awful to someone, things get said, things get processed, things might get said in retaliation and then, either immediately or in time, things continue on.

But when someone gets sick, really sick. Sick enough that you honestly don’t think they will see their grandchildren hit their next birthdays, you say nothing. Because you can’t. Because what if they are the last words you say to each other and they are awful?

If you are a regular reader, you know my mum has aggressive cancer. She’s 76.

She’s currently riding the wild ride of surgery, drugs, depression, cancer pain, more drugs, stents, losing her home of 20 years, radiation, severe nausea and a whole heap of tears. It sucks to be sure.

So when I turn up to visit Mum each afternoon, more often than not I am confronted with a very upset, often incredibly cranky woman who has no one to take it out on but me.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my Mum and it breaks my heart to see her fading away and her getting so frustrated at the now incapacitated position she finds herself in.

When we found out Mum had cancer it sucked, but I guess I just thought, well OK, we’ll just get it treated and get on with it. Not so. It’s like walking the Kokoda track with no preparation or guidance. You’ve just got to hope you are at least fit enough to do the walking part and then have the sound mind to handle the uphill climb.

Today though, after being there to see her once again talk down to the nurses and refute everything they said, when all they were trying to do was help her, angered me. And the last thing I want to do is be angry with her.

I just wanted to shout at her and say exactly this “ You make my visits here miserable. I bring my daughter here after a long day at school, whilst my husband does double duty at home cooking, cleaning, looking after the 2 youngest, only to be told off on a regular basis and to hear nothing but negative"

But I can’t and won’t and I shouldn’t.
I think I need to remind myself I get to go home at the end of each visit. To do as I please and kiss my kids when I feel like it.
Time for me to cut her some slack and hope I can direct her in a more positive direction.
Perspective. I think I just got some.