So does he rub your back and play with your hair til you fall asleep? In Guy Sebastian world, that means he’s the only one who can Love you like that. He clearly hasn’t been married for 10 years and cleaned up his bodyweight in spew on a particularly bad night with a 3 year old. He needs to change the lyrics to include platitudes about helping find towels, spare bedding and the spray and wipe.

Gotta say but, after 10 years of marriage and 14 years of actual time spent together, getting my husband to rub my back til I fell asleep would require him some sort of mutual pay-off. Just sayin.

So how do you keep the spark alive? Well don’t ask me, I’ve got three kids, a job and a rabid house to control. All I know is that there has to be a lot of give and take. That and the ability to fall in love over and over and over again. And hey, I am no expert in that and can be known to be on absolute mole patrol for no good reason at any given time.

If you’re reading this and you are newly in love, you probably won’t believe this, but it - it being madly infatuated with each other - doesn’t last forever. Unless you’re Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And they believe in aliens.

So then, seeing as the rate of divorce is horrendous and the rate of separation is an unknown, how do you get the princess treatment forever? Short answer is – you don’t. Not going to happen. But it must be noted, you, the woman, will not be treating your man as a prince either.

Because here’s what happens. The fact that you tell them copious amounts of time the plans for the upcoming weeks and you relay to him the serious nature of the parent-teacher on Friday, he will not be able to commit this to memory. Nor will he hold high in regard, the fact that colours need to be discussed before they are painted onto your walls. And these minor occurrences will start to shit you. Slowly at first. Then it will build and build until there is a monumental blow-up and somehow or another, you turn into Brittany Spears on a head shaving rampage. And then you will be left, three days later, wondering what in the fuck just happened and in despair. Once it was all about mini-breaks and shagging. Now it’s about home insurance and cleaning dogshit off the carpet. How and when did it get to this?

Well from my experience, it’s cyclic. I reckon any couple that is 100% happy 100% of the time is either lying or insane.