There are the obvious differences between man and woman. You know, one has a penis, one has a vagina. And then there’s the not so obvious ones. The ones like the use of common sense.

For instance, my husband has his Christmas party this Friday. Now he’s a plumber and in years past, Christmas parties have generally involved, beer boobs and chraginas. The last word has been altered to make it more appropriate for the Christmas season. If you’re still struggling, I’m referring to naked strippers and their bits. Par for the course at a tradesmans Christmas Party. Hey, he may as well cop an eyeful there because I certainly cannot provide that sort of entertainment at home.

This upcoming one however is at a big establishment and it has, wait for it, a motivational speaker. What in the fuck do plumbers want with a motivational speaker? A plumber turned professional football player motivational speaker to boot. Hey, but who am I to judge, perhaps there’s a whole heap of plumbers who need a little pep talk with regards to installing that cistern in a more understanding, passionate and Anthony Robbins inspired way.

So this hasn’t really demonstrated the difference between man and woman yet though has it. Well I asked dear husband, what time his party starts. His response “I don’t know”. I then went on to ask him “Is it casual dress?” His answer – “Don’t know”. “Is it day or night, will you need me to pick you up?” I don’t know. It was like when I ask my seven year old what he did at school today – “dunno”. “Who did you play with today?” - Dunno. Fantastic, I’ll keep sending you to school and paying money so you can learn fucking nothing and speak to no-one.

Back to the older man of the house though, I just don’t understand how he doesn’t know these important details. When a woman is going to a party/event we know the date, the time and the dress code. We will then go on to shop for said dress code and exchange stories regarding this outfit. Why is so hard for him to ask his mate “Mate you wearing jeans or pants?” Does he think that is too intimate?

Is his not knowing ignorance or ambivalence? I think it just comes down to a lack of, and this a technical term, giving a shit.

Today we set up a large blow up pool for the kids to cool down in. Of course last year, we blew this up with our mouths but this method apparently is no longer good enough. An air compressor would have to be engaged. And seeing as we didn’t own one, Bunnings, his lover, would be receiving a well earned booty call.

That wasn't the man vs. woman issue. No the actual placement of the pool was.

In my mind, placing the pool on the grass was the safest option. His idea was to place it on the concrete pad as he wanted to mow (didn’t happen) and it would burn the grass (we already have crop circles in our turf anyway) Clearly my idea was never going to get a look in. I got home from picking up the one child still at school to basically a carnival in our back yard – on the concrete, right next to the shiny slippery tiles. I could see the near concussion before it happened. And of course, it happened. The 3yo, after nearly being accidently suffocated by his brother staggered out of the pool, slipped on the tiles and cracked his head. Awesome. I told you so was never uttered. It didn't need to be.

What about the old chestnut that is – Sex. We are genetically designed, and this is a generalisation, to want it either more (guys) or less (the women) than the other. Guys don’t get why we don’t want it every 5 minutes, Girls don’t get why guys need it so often and consistently. This of course, I relate to a married or long term couple, not that new, let’s go at it like rabbits, kind of couple.

The telltale sign in our household is when my husband is languishing on the couch beside me at 11pm patiently watching the bachelor and not, I repeat, not giving in to his immense tiredness. He’s doing the hang.

I know we just think different and I know there has been study upon report upon thesis with evidence and documentation as to why. Wonder if there’s been any studies done on how many times the woman has been committed with frustration over the men in their lives.