Kell's Ride

Flan: Support Kell’s Ride for the Future

Don’t blame me. Blame my kid’s kindy teacher for EJ’s accordion.

My kid’s beloved kindy teacher, Kerrie Larda, gave me two button accordians because she heard Emily Jade talking about them on 1029 Hot tomato.

One of them is beautiful. To look at. I thought I’d wait till EJ had a rough day and drop it on her then.

EJ wouldn’t stop playing it so “with Christo” dared her to play it in public. Well, of course the good egg accepted the challenge.

In order to get around the required 3 month busker’s licence, EJ played on private property at the invitation of The Pantry Café Burleigh who I’m sure are very nice and a little hard of hearing.

While EJ committed cold blooded yet well intentioned musical murder, a bloke came up to me and asked for a minute of my time.

His name is Greg Kelly. Greg has early onset dementia and it will take his life. I was truly struck by this bloke.

I played his story on the radio this morning and when I went to the servo on the way home, the owners of BP Southport, offered me $200 to fill Greg’s first tank of petrol.

Have a listen below and as proof that this took place as I say it did, you can hear EJ’s sonic crime scene in the background;

Now that you know Greg Kelly and that he’s trying to raise money for those that help dementia patients and shine a light on the plight, can I ask you to put a bit of gas in his tank?

Here’s a link to Greg’s Facebook page: and his Go Fund Me page if you would like to donate:

Thanks. There’ll be a bit more to this story. Keep your eye out.


P.S. I said I’d let you know what Viv Richards thought about the question “Would 20/20 cricket make a great Commonwealth Games sport?” The greatest Batsman I have ever seen said “Yeah.”

P.S.S.S. So Just call me Scoopy McScooperton.

Flan tinny giraffe

Flan’s poll: Hoons in tinnies

Do you reckon that hoons in tinnies on our waterways speeding near swimming enclosures full of kids should get their tinny taken away from them and given to me?

I do.

This particular tinny had no sun shade on it but they’re not that dear. If I had this boat I’d love it more than the hoons.

I’d certainly be more responsible than the clowns in this boat last Sunday and I’d make sure I didn’t exceed 6 knots near people.

I’ve wanted one since I was a kid. The kids on the TV show flipper had one and I wanted to be them.

Please vote to impound their tinny and give it to me.

I’d be a responsible skipper on the waterways and I’d clean out the hoons cages everyday…. I promise.

Last weekend I was dead-set scared for a bunch of people in the swimming enclosure and the surrounding bay at Tallebudgera as three young blokes skylarked, mugged laired, showponied and loudly hooned around and around endangering people trying to have a quiet family Sunday arvo swim.

They were also doing the boat equivalent of a wheelie/mono and genuinely frightening everyone.

I’ll never be prouder of my mate, Al, for walking down to the water’s edge and giving them a good old fashioned kiwi gobful. Two words.

Un and printable.

Onya Al.

Many people on the shore went up to Al and commended him for telling the aquahoons which direction they should navigate.

So, question of the day….should aquahoons have their tinnies impounded and given to people who have passed their skipper’s licence and have no recorded misdeameanors on our waterways?

Or should their tinnies be crushed into cubes and use them as bbq tables in gold coast parks?

Or maybe you have a better option.

Love to hear about it. Maybe Al deserves it more than me.

If you take part in Flan’s poll you’ll go in the draw to be on the short list to play off for the chance to toss for a double pass to the movies … hell, you may even win an aluminium coffee table.

Maybe one day.

Cricket Team

Flan: How I met cricket legend Sir Vivian Richards

I’m going to talk more in the next little while about making 20/20 cricket a Commonwealth Games sport and thanks to Jupiter’s Casino I’m going to put that question to the great West Indian batsman, Sir Viv Richards in the very near future.

I met Viv Richards when I was a kid thanks to a competition run by the Australian Women’s weekly. I went to a training camp where the newly minted World Series Cricketers taught a few hundred Aussie kids how to play my favourite sport.

I had the finer points of batting shown to me by my favourite batsman ever, Sir Viv.

My bum could have fallen off and it wouldn’t have distracted me from what Viv was saying then and now when he commentates on 20/20 cricket.

My bowling tutor was also my favourite bowler in the world, Michael “Whispering death” Holding. Also, a man whose cricket commentary I have soaked up since like I’m listening to Gandolf.

My wicket-keeping coach at that training camp was Rod Marsh who up until recently was the head of the Australian cricket selection panel.

Old Iron gloves taught me how to drop catches behind the stumps brilliantly. He was the man who lay down on the grenade that was the Hobart cricket Test. I’ll forever admire that bloke for that and if I ever get to interview the champ I’m going to ask him to take the blame for how bad I turned out too.

My teammates in my indoor cricket team would say “what an unholy waste of information that coaching was” I would simply say to that “Well call me Sean Marsh-mellow” but it lit a cricket blaze in me that you’d need a squadron of elvis firefighting helicopters to put out.

As I said, I’m going to ask the great man “Can 20/20 cricket become a brilliant Commonwealth Games Sport and I will faithfully report Sir Viv’s answer on 1029 Hot tomato.

QLD Cows

Flan: Cow corner at Car-rara

You know that feeling when you come up to the giant roundabout near Carrara markets and there’s 28 “carrs” in front of you and traffics at a complete and utter standstill?

I do. I also know how different it feels to look out the passenger window and see the cows that have been there for donkey’s years.

It makes me think that Cows must get the irrits at being talked about in donkeys years but let’s not get bogged down here.

It’s a free country and I don’t blame whoever owns the cows and the land they live on for attempting to do whatever they like with it. I say you can never have enough badminton centres but I’d also like to see the theme park in Katie Perry’s latest film clip built there too. Perhaps reasons why I will never be Mayor.

However, that little bit of country in the city makes me feel different. Happier somehow.

We are heading toward final approval of 1550 apartments on that site, and let me say straight up that if it happens I would love that work to go to Gold Coast tradies who right now have to drive up the M1 chasing the many dollars it takes to feed a family good Aussie beef these days.

However, there is something a bit special about that spot. Cows next to a major arterial.

I live in Mudgeeraba because it gives me that same feeling of country in the city.

EJ was telling me this morning that if this new development gets built small boats must be made available and reserves of food in case of flooding. It sounds like they’re preparing for an evacuation on the scale of Dunkirk.

We are having Gold Coast City Councillor Bob La Cowstra on the show to say why he voted against this development.

I personally think we could develop and preserve space for some cows.

Would it be too weird to have a sculptor create a herd of bronze cows to live on that paddock forever?

If we did, how long would it be before someone painted QLD on them at State of Origin time?

Emily Jade: A letter to my daughter

Dear Millie Valentine,

Happy Birthday baby girl, today you are fabulous 5. I say fabulous because just as you are old enough to go to school, we are having the most fabulous fun.

You have asked me every day for the last six months when you will be turning 5, and as I gave you a monthly and then daily countdown you would ask me if that was a long time. It was to you, but wasn’t to me. Where did this year go?

It seems unfair that just as you and I got into a friendly little groove of hanging out and going shopping, or getting pedicures together, singing loudly in the car to the same songs and wanting to watch the same movies together, you are going to up and leave me and a teacher is going to get the best part of you every day. It’s almost enough to make me want to home school you….ok, not that much, Mummy is looking forward to having afternoon naps again.

This year our family genes truly kicked in. You see both your Granddad’s were somewhat in the entertainment industry. Granddad Phil was an amateur actor and Poppy Jim was a concert promoter and this year you started both.

In the afternoons I’ll find you practicing tricks, making up dance moves, singing into a microphone or getting ready to cook something, and when ready, insist every single human at the house at the time stop and watch with our full attention. You also demand that the performance be filmed for your wider audience, complete with a ‘Hi, I’m Millie and welcome to my show”. Baby girl you have made me a stage mum and I haven’t even pushed you into it, you were born to perform.

In the last 12 months your awareness of the world has increased. Sadly you now know that you probably won’t be marrying Prince George and that Mummy was only kidding, but that’s ok, you are in love with an older man who Mummy approves of, 8-year-old Jayce. Whenever you hear that Jayce’s Mummy is coming to visit, hopeful that he may be coming over too, you spend a good hour in your room preparing. Hair, make-up, some kind of outfit showing off your belly button, your grey cowboy boots, and with nothing actually matching, you swan down the stairs in to greet him. He always graciously says hi while you look at him with eyes full of hope that he appreciates the effort you put in. Your Daddy knows that look well. I do it every time we get ready to go out for date night. It’s what makes a good marriage my darling, always wanting to look and be the best for the one you love, which is why I indulge you when you beg me to help you get ready for Jayce. I hope you still beg me when you are 16, that way I’ll be able to make sure the skirts are not too short, and your tops not see through.

The other day we took you to a grown up work function and at it you saw a beautiful lady. You asked me to take you up to her so you could tell her she was beautiful, but you wanted me to go with you in case you were shy. I love this about you, you’ve quickly learnt that giving compliments is a great gift, and totally free, and you love how you feel when someone is delighted with your kind words. So off we went and I thought you were talking about a young lady in a colourful dress with a perfect figure and fantastic hair. As we walked up to her and I told her you wanted to tell her she was beautiful, you loudly said ‘Not her Mummy” and pointed to a lady in her 70’s behind her. “She is so beautiful Mummy, her skin is so soft and her hair so pretty and curly’. I was embarrassed and proud at the same time. Embarrassed at myself that I didn’t see the beauty you saw and proud that I have a little girl that see’s so much more, that you haven’t been tainted by the medias idea that only youth is beautiful. I hope you stay that way and see the beauty in everyone and every thing.

Your new school has taught you to sing Grace before you eat a meal and each and every night you insist we all hold hands, close our eyes, with no peeking, and sing our song loudly thanking him for our food and blessings… I love to hold your little hand in mine and as I sing and totally peek at you of the corner of my eye, I sing with my heart full of love for you. You are all my blessings and more.

Love Mama.