The rise of the Gold Coast bogan and other important issues

WHILE looking through a TV website recently, I stumbled onto a show I thought at first was a prank.

Called The Bogan Hunters, it is three actors pretending to be bogans touring Australia searching for the nation’s biggest real bogan.

A parody surely, I thought after watching an episode.

Hey, don’t judge me. You try tearing your eyes away from it.

But then I was in a supermarket in Palm Beach the other day.

A tracky-dacked mother and her scrappy-looking kids were touring the aisles when the mother suddenly grabbed her little boy’s arm and started scolding him.

I don’t know what the kid said but from the disgusted, screwed up look he was giving his mother and her reaction I think we can guess.

“Jeez mate,” she said very, very loudly, “it was only a fart! Get over it!”

As I dodged the area she had just exited and escaped down another aisle I thought, well, yuk!

I know I accuse my computer of making farting noises sometimes but I thought farting in public was still a taboo.

If we do accidently make an unfortunate noisy emission don’t we still pretend that it was our shoe squeaking on the floor, or a chair leg or something?

The creators of the Bogan Hunters, who by all accounts are more inner-city wankers than real bogans, describe their subjects as the backbone of Australia, and part of a very real culture.

A culture on display in certain areas of the Gold Coast, usually near Centrelink offices.

Wow, that sounded really snobby even to me.

But the rise of the bogan on the Gold Coast helps explain something I’ve noticed while looking at animal rescue websites as we prepare to adopt a new member into the family.

The vast majority of dogs looking for new homes are Staffordshire bull terrier crosses.

Are they just extra horny dogs that manage to get around more than other breeds these days?

Or is it because their owners refuse to neuter them, preferring to bask in the reflected glory of the breeds’ overtly masculine appearance?

I am hoping these and other important questions are answered on The Bogan Hunters.

Have you spotted a Gold Coast bogan? When and where, Leave your comments below…

The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au

Google’s driverless car to rid Gold Coast of bad drivers?

WHEN I first heard the news that Google had developed a self-driving car I thought, sarcastically, ‘what could possibly go wrong?’

With no steering wheels, brakes or pedals, the car is driven by on-board computers and exterior sensors.

The goal, say Google, is for the self-driving car to be safer than ones driven by humans as car accidents could be prevented with technology that can react faster than us crash-test dummies.

Because computers never crash – like hell they don’t.

If it’s anything like my laptop it will be upside down in a ditch, flashing its headlights and making weird farting noises more often than it will be on the road.

But then I saw a short video of the car in action and I was immediately seduced by all its possibilities.

Not least being if you were being seduced – literally – you wouldn’t have to pull over.

Snigger.

Which naturally brings me to the car’s potential as a baby sitter.

If you have a baby that won’t sleep, you just put it in the car, program the computer, shut the door and go back to bed while the car spins around the Gold Coast, rocking your baby to sleep.

What? No? There is a problem with that? What if I put a ‘Baby on Board’ sign in the window?

Ok, what about drive thru at McDonalds?

Just pin your order and some cash on the windscreen and send the car off.

Or after a big night out you could program the car to pick you up and take you home with no one able to accuse you of drink-driving.

Your could program it to drive beside you when you go for a walk so it can hold a drink and take you home if you get tired.

If the dog is being annoying you could send him to Brisbane and back in the car.

If you have to drive to Brisbane and you get to that point at Logan where the sun is slamming you in the face and you just want to curl up and go to sleep – you could just curl up and go to sleep.

Yep, I’m ready to Google it.

 What are your thoughts on this new car concept? Will it rid the Gold Coast of its bad drivers? Leave your comments below…

The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au

Dealing with the devil

IT is 1.30am and I am lost, confused and angry.

Yes, I have just been dealing with Telstra.

(Interesting fact: Telstra spelt backwards is Artslet – another name for Satan.)

It has been almost 48 hours since my email account stopped working – the one I need working so that I can keep working.

I searched Twitter, Facebook and the Artslet website to see if there were any service outages.

Nothing.

I tried the 24/7 online Chat thingy where I was number 18 in the queue for about 30 minutes before a typed message from Nathanial popped up asking me how he could put a smile on my face.

I typed out a long explanation, he typed he would check on it and I believed him.

Then the chat box shutdown with an ‘unexpected error’ – also known as Nathanial went off to find an easier problem.

So I rang Satan, I mean, Telstra and after a long wait was told a system upgrade had caused problems and it would all be sorted ‘within minutes … or hours’.

“I’ll send you the details and my name so you can contact me if you need to,” said the helpful woman.

But she didn’t.

And it wasn’t sorted the next day.

So two more chat boxes and a phone call later it turns out they had failed to reactivate my account.

No problem, said Kay, she can sort it out ‘in a few minutes … or 24 hours’.

Me: Will I need a new password?

Kay: Yes and new password can be created only once the request has been completed already (sic)

Me: How will I know it is fixed if my email is not working without a new password?

Kay: Wait for the 24 hour time frame from the time that the you contact us to resume the email account.

Me: And where will I get the new password from?

Kay: Once the request has been completed tomorrow

Me: What happens then?

Kay: Email will be accessible once the new password has been created and can now start using the email again

Me: But where does the new password come from?

Kay: We will be the one to create the new password for you

Me: Then how do I get the password?

Anyone?
The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au

All Star Dream Teams would put state back on track

AS yet another poll confirmed a once all conquering political party is on track for a major upset, it occurred to me we are doing this all wrong.

Our politicians are more distrusted and disliked than football players and other fallen sports stars who have been in trouble for drunkenness, assault and worse.

And a lot of that is our – the voters’ – fault.

We put more care, thought and resources into the local Thursday night touch football team than we do into selecting and preparing our political representatives.

Professional athletes are nurtured and supported from a young age, mentored to be role models (not always successfully admittedly) and drilled about the honour of representing their state and country.

Massive funding from taxpayers and supporters ensure their success which is fanatically reported on and televised to the adoring public.

But when it comes to our politicians, we scan a ballot paper, tick a name that sounds vaguely familiar and, voilà, a half-literate party hack who was the last one standing on pre-selection day gets into parliament.

No wonder we have so little respect.

If we demanded from our parliament and government the training, hard work and discipline of a professional sporting team, there would be increased accountability and results.

Coaches and trainers would prepare them for their new roles and would always be on hand in the background to ensure they continued working on their skills.

There would be still some trash talking but anyone who really misbehaved would appear before an independent judiciary where they could be suspended and fined.

To keep things interesting we could have state of origin contests with the NSW Government on important economic and business milestones.

Surely the post-parliament interviews would be a lot more entertaining: “Yeah, mate, it was a little scrappy but we are just glad we came away with a win.”

And we could have half-time entertainment!

I would draw the line at team sponsorship – I think we all know why.

Both sides of politics have shown they are already a little too partial to that sort of financial patronage.

But seriously, don’t we deserve an All Stars team?

We certainly pay them enough.

The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au

Massive Gold Coast clearance sale – all offers considered

AS I predicted the Newman Government appears hell-bent on selling off the farm.

And ports, power, rail, and water assets, several Brisbane city buildings and a Broadwater island or two.

Apparently ‘secret’ government research has found the number of Queenslanders concerned about the state’s finances has jumped from six to 20 per cent – since the $6 million Strong Choices campaign.

What? Wait …. so the campaign to ‘inform’ us about the state’s finances actually just scared the crap out of people?

Oh, well played Newman Government.

Mind you, 20 per cent of people concerned about the budget suggests the other 80 per cent couldn’t give a flying …

Anyway, as we all know the Government is going to hold a massive fire sale if it wins the next election, here are some suggestions of public assets we probably won’t miss if they were flogged off.

The Gold Coast City Council

Note: Must remove cooling off period and warranty rights from sale conditions – we don’t want that lemon being returned for a refund.

North Queensland

Let the NQ locals buy us out. Then they can become their own state and we can introduce daylight saving. But as part of the condition of sale – they have to take the State Government with them.

The old Southport hospital

Just get rid of it already.

The Tower of Power

We just can’t afford the luxurious and disturbingly large vanity project being built by Campbell Newman in Brisbane to replace his current digs which are not up to his demanding standards.

Stay in the Executive building. It was good enough for previous premiers.

Springbrook

Let’s sell it to Packer so he can build a huge casino which you can only get to via a cable car which can only be powered by coal and tree logs. Suck on that greenies.

Finally, here is another money saving tip for the State Budget which will be handed down next week:

Reduce the number of state electorates on the Gold Coast from 10 to five.

Halve the number of MPs and double the work of the remaining ones – that way they might actually be worth what they get paid. Oh, and make them work out of a McDonalds where they can get free wifi.

Do you have any other money saving tips for the government?

The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au