Bloody idiots driving us around the bend

I SAW a biker and his passenger pulled over on the Gold Coast Highway this week and I thought ‘here we go again’.

Police will pull over anyone on two wheels these days, it’s outrageous!

What about our civil liberties!

It wasn’t even a macho motorbike but a brightly coloured machine that looked about as intimidating as a poodle wearing a pink hat.

Then I saw it – the reason they had been pulled over on the side of a busy highway in the middle of the day.

No, it wasn’t a leather jacket or vest tagged with the ‘1%er’ label that has gotten bikies into so much trouble.

It wasn’t weapons or drugs usually associated with the Gold Coast’s notorious outlaw bikie gangs.

It was a surfboard.

Those morons had been zooming down the highway carrying a surfboard.

Book ‘em Danno, I thought as the lights changed and I took off.

Unfortunately there are a lot of bloody idiots driving around on the Gold Coast.

I was almost wiped out by a white 4WD on Bundall Road about 10 years ago.

Realising too late that he was in the wrong lane to turn left, the driver swerved without warning in front of me and then had the nerve to get upset when I beeped my horn in shock.

For the next kilometre or so, the grey-haired idiot charged up from behind menacingly or pulled into the lane beside my car to mouth obscenities at me.

I was getting very nervous until he positioned his hand palm up, two fingers extended and, with an angry flick of his wrist, gave me the forks.

Then I started laughing.

No one has done the forks since the 70s, idiot!

This only made him angrier and snot started coming out of his nose as he screamed at me while his poor wife shrank into her seat in embarrassment.

As he pulled away with a screech of tyres I noted his vanity numberplate, one I will never forget because the idiot had his own name on it.

A couple of years ago I was driving in Robina when a white 4WD swerved to overtake me and sped off.

It was the same numberplate.

 

The Meddler

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Throwing a Gold Coast party Palmer-Katter style

I cannot lie, a plan for a PUP and KAP Coalition to oust Labor as the official Queensland opposition is doing weird things to my stomach.

I don’t know if it’s over-excitement at the thought of all the turmoil an alliance between the Bob Katter and Clive Palmer parties will cause or that I just want to vomit.

I’ll monitor the situation and get back to you.

There is also growing speculation about an early state election – possibly even July.

Top this with allegations PUP is trying to entice nervous LNP MPs over to their side of the playground and my head is in a spin.

This is why some of the country’s leading political reporters hail from Queensland – what a bloody ripper of a training ground this state is.

Basically, things are not getting any better for the Newman Government and the $6 million Strong Choices propaganda campaign is just starting to get really annoying.

But don’t be surprised the so-called ‘survey’ comes back with a finding the public really, really wants the Government to sell off all its assets.

That is because it’s not a proper poll and we don’t know who will be collating the results.

If that is the ‘shock’ finding, Mr Newman can use the need for a mandate to sell assets to call an early election.

It is no secret some LNP MPs are getting very nervous the government is in for a walloping and the only assistance they will be providing their constituents soon will be from an aisle in Bunnings.

The Gold Coast’s ten seats are promising to be volatile, which is always fun.

There is nothing more amusing than usually invisible MPs suddenly courting the local media and attending functions they once ignored.

So it’s not surprising PUP is starting to pick off worried MPs, allegedly.

Local PUP Alex Douglas said his party’s polling had shown the LNP could lose all its seats on the Gold Coast, which seems pretty unlikely.

But I would be worried if I was Michael Hart in Burleigh.

Particularly as when he frantically texted Mr Newman a few weeks ago to tell him PUP were after him – he did not get a reply.

Fortunately, there is a Bunnings in Burleigh.

 

 

The Meddler

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The Gold Coast’s silent plague – ANTS

IT seems to me there is a massive problem on the Gold Coast and no one is doing anything about it.

Sure, get a few bikers together and the State Government and police are on to them faster than you can say ‘but they are only mopeds’.

Yet mention the Gold Coast’s real problem and there is nothing but deathly silence.

I know I am not alone when I suggest the biggest threat to the Gold Coast’s way of life at the moment is ants.

Yes, ANTS.

If you have so far managed to escape the insidious incursion of these little monsters into your homes – beware, no one is safe.

It started a few months ago with lines of the little black ones marching through my kitchen.

Then several piles of grey stuff appeared on my lawn.

Before long, the big reddish buggers were making themselves at home.

But here is the weird thing, I never saw the little ones and the big ones together as they alternated the days they would invade my home.

One night I took out the iron I have not used for months.

Yes months. Don’t judge me.

As the iron heated up, something black appeared on the shirt I was about to iron.

It was an ant.

Then another appeared and another until thousands of the little bastards (I am not exaggerating – I have pictures) started swarming out of the iron’s water tank to escape the heat.

It was like a horror movie.

I threw that cursed iron away immediately.

Even after trying every poison I could legally buy, the little creatures were still turning up each morning, arrogantly wandering in orderly lines across my kitchen floor.

There must be another nest somewhere, I thought incisively.

I found it yesterday, in my very expensive coffee machine.

I could not understand why little black bits were falling out of the bottom of it so I took the back off and there they were, the big ants and their revolting white larvae nesting right near the water inlet.

Eeeuuuwwww.

After trawling through internet forums it appears I am not the only one on the Gold Coast being chased out of my home.

Get out while you can.

Have you got an Ant story in your home? Leave comments below…

 

The Meddler

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Gold Coast Police chopper – A wakeup call for us all

IS there anything better than watching the sun go down on a glorious autumn day while listening to the melodic sounds of the Gold Coast?

Birds singing, kookaburras laughing … and the police chopper thundering overhead, destroying property values and scaring the crap out of paranoid, teenage dopers.

Ok, maybe I am being a little harsh.

To be fair, the chopper does not discriminate.

It is just as likely to be hovering noisily and nosily over Main Beach as Palm Beach.

Mostly it has been embraced by locals and, I’m sure, it has been doing a great job.

But it’s a bit awkward trying to convince a friend over the phone that the Gold Coast is not as dangerous as the media make out when you are interrupted by them asking ‘what’s that noise in the background’.

Umm, that’s the police chopper.

Or you have visitors from interstate and you are sitting on the back deck enjoying the twilight and the police chopper zooms by.

Nothing to see here folks, move along now.

Thankfully the excitement of the new toy has worn off a bit now and we don’t often have to endure low flying chopper action over our homes in the early hours of the morning.

Well, not that often anyway.

When police first got the chopper they were thundering all over the place, having a good look in the backyards of houses they usually can only drive past.

One night the chopper was hovering overhead like something out of a LA gang movie.

It would move away, hover somewhere else for a while, and then circle back again to hover overhead some more.

It went on for almost an hour and was so loud I couldn’t sleep.

So I jumped on Twitter, as you do, and I wasn’t the only one awake.

Other Gold Coasters were wondering what the hell was going on and there was a running commentary on where the chopper was at that moment.

I don’t know who they were after but I have been looking at my neighbours with suspicion ever since.

They’ve been giving me strange looks as well.

But I don’t think that can be blamed on the police chopper.

 

The Meddler

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I don’t like you just because I LIKE you on Facebook

ONE of the most frustrating issues with Facebook is when you want to access some pages – like those belonging to political parties – you have to click ‘like’.

You are then tormented by statements such as ‘Queensland Labor – You like this’.

No I don’t.

The Meddler has no particular feelings for the ALP or the LNP.

Or PUP, KAP or POO, for that matter.

I may have made POO up – but wouldn’t it be a wonderful name for a political party?

These defamatory statements that you like a political party follow you around the internet.

It reminds me of the unkind chants of primary school ‘frenemies’: ‘You like Jimmy McDougal, you like Jimmy McDougal’.

I did not like Jimmy McDougal!

I saw him eat snails once.

But I digress.

I popped onto Queensland Labor’s website to check out their new candidates and was again unfairly accused: ‘You and 5081 others like Queensland Labor’.

Grrrrrr.

Then I saw it. A huge headline: ‘Join Labor for only $5. Click here.

Bless them for trying to get people involved but 5 bucks?

That’s just embarrassing.

They’ll be asking for gold coin donations next.

The membership form is very interesting, asking lots of personal questions including how much you make.

Why?

By the way, one of their new candidates is Adam Obeid running in Mansfield.

Apparently he is no relation to the Obeids who have had a starring role at NSW’s ICAC inquiry.

But wouldn’t you change your name?

I then popped over to the LNP’s website – because I am bipartisan like that – and found they are running their very own Art Union.

Are they even allowed to do that?

So if you want to win your very own BMW or a motorbike all you have to do is buy a ticket for ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

That is correct, $100 for just one ticket.

So Labor is giving away memberships for $5 while the LNP is selling raffle tickets for $100 each.

Interestingly, a section with a promising title of ‘LNP Women’ is illustrated with a photograph of Tony Abbott and his adoring wife and daughters.

Says it all really.

The Meddler

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