Flan: You want a real sports fan story?

Flan’s sport – 6:10 am on 102.9 Hot Tomato.

A big congratulations to the Socceroos who have had a successful week to move into the final stage of the something or other giving them a chance to pre-qualify to play off for a thing years from now.

“This is what the world cup would look like if it was full of money and Sep Blatter”


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Trophy: © AGIF / Shutterstock.com | Sepp Blatter: © 360b / Shutterstock.com | Money: © visualdestination / Shutterstock.com

Trophy: © AGIF / Shutterstock.com | Sepp Blatter: © 360b / Shutterstock.com | Money: © visualdestination / Shutterstock.com

Our national side were expected to win but managed to defeat the might of Jordan handsomely to the tune of  5-1.

I looked at the score and got a shock.  5-1 is a whooping by soccer’s lofty standards.

A right royal hammering.

Unless, of course, the Socceroos played the actual Jordan, aka Katie Price.

In which case Katie did very well indeed, even managing to slip a goal through the Socceroos stretched defence.

Football Player: © Val Thoermer / Shutterstock.com | Katie Price: © Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

Football Player: © Val Thoermer / Shutterstock.com | Katie Price: © Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

You want a real sports fan story?

The Sheffield Shield final has been run and won by…..you know what?  Nobody cares.  If it isn’t Australia playing or a 20/20 match nobody gives a rat’s assets about cricket.

I talk from experience because God knows I’ve sat with five other people at the Gabba as Qld have battled away.  I didn’t talk to them I just assumed they were weird for being at the ground.  Me on the other hand….I just love cricket.

There’s nothing as sad as the caterer’s forlorn face in an empty Sheffield Shield venue.

He looked so sad I set myself mentally to singlehandedly make sure those Sheffield shield pies didn’t spoil.

I did it the old fashioned way too; I dug in and took it one pie at a time.

I’ve raised my fat to the crowd at 50 pies, kissed the emblem on my Aussie cricket supporter’s cap and said to myself “C’mon Flan, you’ve made a start, now go on with it.”

And so I did.  I kept my eyes on the pies.  Only to fall in the nervous 90’s.

These days I have turned my back on pies.  I’ve shed a few kilos and I play indoor cricket with a hopeless collection of desperate, winless, headless chooks.

Example: worst play of the day from last week; I missed the ball completely, the wicket-keeper caught the ball less than a metre from the stumps and I still attempted to run a single.  Indoor cricketers will know that’s about as easy as easy as walking on your hands across the M1 at 5pm Friday.

As I took off the wicket-keeper looked at me the same way my dog does when I read him Shakespeare.  Quizzically and sad.

My team is called Jesus Brian and this week Brian can’t play because he has to complete the last 20 hours of his community service.

However, it presents us with the chance to have our first win while the team’s namesake is away.  Poetry, man.  Poetry.

The Titan’s and the Suns have real challenges this weekend.  The Suns face the country’s biggest, baddest road trip when they take on Freo in Freo.

Word is when the Suns get home Flan’s sport locker will be the place to snavel free tickets to watch us beat the Carlton like dusty rugs.

It’s a lot to expect a win against Freo this week but a good fight is all a real fan asks, so have a dig, boys.

The Titans face a Wayne Bennett coached Bronco’s, a very difficult assignment akin to attacking a phalanx of Roman centurions by flicking your beach towel at them.

You’d have about as much chance as a paddle pop versus the sun.

Man with towel: © LifetimeStock / Shutterstock.com | Centurions: © alessen / Shutterstock.com

Man with towel: © LifetimeStock / Shutterstock.com | Centurions: © alessen / Shutterstock.com

Though this time there’s something a little different going on.

The Titans have shown a ton of fight this year (make you proud kind of grit) and are up against a Broncos team coming off a tough grand final rematch with the Cowboys.

We spoke to Bronco’s captain, Corey Parker, on Flan and Emily Jade for breakfast (1029 Hot tomato) and I was so over-awed I didn’t really register what he was saying.

My memory is Captain Parker said something like “The Titans will beat the Broncos this week and go on to win the Eurovision song contest.”

I thought wow, he needs a kip…or do I?

Whatever your choice of sport is, rip in.

Flan is half of the Flan & Emily Jade Breakfast Show which can be heard week days from 5am-9am on 102.9 Hot Tomato.

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