LOOK! Up in the sky! It’s a nerd. It’s a pain. It’s SuperNewman!
In the endless reaches of the universe, there once existed a planet known as Krapton.
There civilization brought forth a race of superegos, men whose mental and physical powers were never as good as they thought they were.
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Faster than a speeding rescue helicopter? More powerful than a highly trained team of emergency officers? Able to leap tall mounds of mud in a single bound?
It’s Man of Squeal: SuperNewman!
“I am the guy who got us through the Brisbane floods, The Gap storms in 2008, made sure that the people of Bundaberg were looked after and, particularly, got those people off those rooftops,’’ boomed SuperNewman, his hands on his hips, his leg’s spread wide authoritatively.
“That’s the sort of strong leadership you get from Campbell Newman and you will continue to get from Campbell Newman … dealing with disaster, whether it be man-made or natural.”
If you think I made up those last two paragraphs, you’d be wrong.
I’d be outraged at SuperNewman’s audacious rewriting of history on the weekend – with him in the role of a tight-wearing super hero – if it wasn’t so damn amusing.
I am the guy who got us through the Brisbane floods.
Sorry, I thought that was emergency services, the SES and the world-renowned Mud Army.
I am the guy who ….particularly, got those people off those rooftops.
Umm, wasn’t that the rescue chopper crews.
I’m thinking someone has never recovered from the starring role then Premier Anna Bligh played in the state-wide 2011 disasters.
It is his, dare I say it, Kryptonite.
I know things are going bad in the polls and everyone is dwelling on the bad stuff but where on earth, or Krapton, did he get the idea to recast himself as a super hero?
“We needed a strong, dependable, capable leader, said LNP president Bruce McIver recently.
“We have that and I think Queenslanders can be very confident, that whatever the future holds, with Campbell Newman as Premier, we will certainly all be able to sleep better at night, knowing that he is there.”
Up, up and awaaaaay!
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