Breaking News Story: Another Woman Falls Prey to Penis Enlargement Naturally Induced Shock (PENIS)


Kathy — “Good Evening. This is Kathy Cupcake from WPNS with this late-breaking news story. In another case of Penis Enlargement Gone Wild, another woman has fallen victim to an overly large penis size. Peter Sizemore is now, live, on the scene, to give us the shocking details. Over to you, Peter:”

Peter — “Thank you, Kathy. Folks, it’s another case of Penis Enlargement Naturally Induced Shock (PENIS) I’m afraid. It’s the same old story: girl meets guy, guy meets girl, they date a few times, and eventually head of to the bedroom. Unfortunately, this is another case where a man, who has enlarged his penis to massive proportions, has failed to tell his girlfriend what was in store for her and the results are clearly devastating. In this instance, poor Suzy Wantall was the latest victim in the endless stream of PENIS cases that have taken the country by surprise. Since penis enlargement has become such an enormous fad we… Wait! Hold on, here comes the poor woman now, being wheeled out on a stretcher with oxygen!”


Peter — “Suzy! Excuse me! Suzy, Suzy Wantall… I’m Peter Sizemore from WPNS, do you mind if I ask you a few questions for the audience at home; can you tell us what happened…? Can you describe the events that took place…? How do you feel; are you okay?”

Suzy — “Yeah, well, I’m still groggy and still a bit shocked. Just look at my hands, they’re still shaking. You know, Richard seemed like such a normal and average sort of guy, you know what I mean, he just seemed like such a nice guy… I never expected him to be as, you know.. Big, I mean really big like that… I mean he was huge… Scary huge… And I have to admit… I just wasn’t ready for it. You know, I just wasn’t ready… When he undid his pants, it was like this giant anaconda was being released into the room… When he unleashed that huge thing… I… I… I… I just wasn’t ready for it, I mean, I didn’t know what to do and, you know, I’m just terrified of snakes; and I started to feel light headed and it felt like this cloud was rushing to my head, I started feeling dizzy, and then, you know, that’s all I remember, I guess I just passed out…”

Peter — “We’re sorry to hear that Suzy, we really are. Is there anything else you can add to what happened?”

Suzy — “Well, yeah, you know, girls, you need to be careful out there. I’m serious. If you can, ask around and find it out if a guy’s been doing those penis exercise things or not, because, you know, chances are if you’re not prepared for what you’re going to see… Well, you’re… You’re going to wind up just like me….”

Peter — “Thank you, Suzy, one more question, if you don’t mind: What happened to this guy, what did you say his name was, Richard?”

Suzy — “Yeah, Richard. I’m not sure what happened to him, you know. I though I heard someone say my father found him and was chasing after him like he was going to kill him. Right now… I don’t know where he is, but, you know, I’m really afraid for his life.”

Peter — “Are you going to press PENIS charges against him?”

Suzy — “Oh Peter, oh no, oh no! I’m hoping he presses them against me! I’m dying to see him again, in fact I can’t possibly wait to see him again. Now that I’m over the initial shock of it all, I definitely want to hook up with him again; you know, I hope my dad understands… Wait, wait… Wait a minute… Hold on… Becky…? Becky is that you… Richard? Wait! Where are you going! There he is with my sister! Wait! Wait! Don’t run off! She’s stealing my boyfriend!!! Richard, you son of a b…”

Peter — “Ahem! There you have it, folks, another case of PENIS. Parents, warn your daughters about the dangers of PENIS and help them learn the warning signs of a man who has enlarged himself to such massive proportions!”

Peter — “Back to you, Kathy!”

Kathy — “Thank you, Peter. That was Peter Sizemore live from the site where another incidence of PENIS has taken place. Right now, I have a person who is involved in the Penis Enlargement process and I’m going to ask him some questions. For anonymity, his name has been changed, his voice has been altered, and his video feed will be optically censored. We will call him Dr. XXX.”

Kathy — “Thank you for joining us, Dr. XXX. Since you are involved in the penis enlargement process, what do you have to say about the events that took place this afternoon?”

Dr. XXX — “Thank you, Kathy. Well, this is how I see it: Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. If a guy enlarges himself and doesn’t tell his girlfriend about it, well, that’s his decision. Just because I’m involved in the process, doesn’t mean that I’m responsible.”

Kathy — “But, surely, you must feel some responsibility for what’s been happening.”

Dr. XXX — “Again, people kill people, not guns. Now, I don’t approve of this type of behavior, but it’s a free country. You see, these guys who really enlarge themselves are making a game out of the whole thing, this whole Shock The Woman game. I don’t feel that’s right for them to do, but, like I said, it’s a free country. I don’t like it, but that’s their decision based on their own free will.”

Kathy — “Did you see the President’s speech last night regarding PENIS and him stating that Obamacare is NOT going to cover PENIS victims?”

Dr. XXX — “Yes, I did see that, but, again, don’t blame me for that. You have to realize that our representatives still have awesome health care that is not part of Obamacare, that us taxpayers have to shell out the money for. So, all of them and their families are covered for PENIS, it’s just the rest of us who aren’t covered. If you have a problem with that, bring it up with them, don’t blame it on me.”

Kathy — “Can you explain how penis exercising works to help men reach these enormous sizes?”

Dr. XXX — “Certainly, Kathy, I’d be glad to. Penis exercising is a simple method of ‘exercising’ the penis. However, it’s not ‘exercising’ in the way that most people think about ‘exercising,’ as there aren’t many muscles in the penis. Instead these workouts target the rest of the tissues of the penis through manipulation to increase penis size.”

Kathy — What do you mean by ‘manipulation,’ that sounds like an intimidating word.”

Dr. XXX — “Not at all, Kathy, not at all… ‘Manipulation’ simply refers to what you are doing to the penis at the time of exercising it. It simply means that you twist, squeeze, stretch, pull, and other methods using your bare hands. By physically targeting the penile tissues, such ‘manipulation’ can encourage the penis to grow bigger than it was previously. The two most basic methods utilize stretching to release and increase the length of the ligaments that attach the penis to the body. This makes the penis longer. The other method is what is called ‘milking.’ And this does exactly what it sounds like: The penis is ‘milked’ to encourage more blood into the penis. Doing this method properly allows the penis to hold more blood, and thus, to grow bigger. It’s all really very simple and easy.”

Kathy — “Thank you, Dr. XXX. Parents, remember to teach your daughters about the dangers of PENIS and help them learn the warning signs of a man who is most likely to be a PENIS culprit.”

Dr. XXX — “Thank you, Kathy, it was my pleasure.”

Kathy — “Good night.”


Source by Georg Von Neumann