Christo: The Transition

I felt like a total super-parent the other day.

As I basked in my parental win, I realised I managed to achieve the near impossible. A feat many parents only dream about. One that is seemingly a myth and one that generally serves as a warning to others of what not to do.

The perfect transition.


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You see, my wife arrived home and said, “Miss 1 is fast asleep in the back of the car, but she’s only been asleep for a few minutes.”

This is a tricky situation. Do you take the car and go for an extended drive until the child wakes up? Do you just sit in the car, fold the seat back and catch a nap with her? Or do you attempt ‘the transition?’

“I’m gonna try it,” I said to her confidently.

There was an audible gasp from my wife.

“No one has ever done it successfully and you’ll be risking the lives of not only you, but everyone else around you if she wakes up,” my wife responded.

“I’ll be fine,” I explained.

“Well, if you do, you will be the greatest man ever and I will be forced to remove my clothing and give myself to you right here and right now,” she replied.

The above conversation may not be entirely accurate.

I approached the car with trepidation. Inching closer, ever-so-slowly toward the vehicle. I leant in and gently unfastened the seatbelt. I delicately moved Miss 1’s arm out of the harness, carefully followed by arm number 2.

Success.

I felt like I was Jeremy Renner in the movie The Hurt Locker, except without the bombs and atrocities of war and any kind of acting talent.

Scooping her up in my arms, I rested her head against my shoulder and proceeded to navigate every possible obstacle that may awaken the potential overtired grumpy-child within, because everybody knows you NEVER wake a sleeping baby.

Noisy gravel underfoot, dogs scattering under my feet, stairs to ascent and a squeaky door: these were all hazards that I skilfully avoided like an athlete headed for the goal/line/hoop with a ball/puck/javalin.

I safely placed her in the cot, walked away and closed the door.

Nothing. 

Not a sound, not a cry, not a peep. Absolutely nothing.

She remained fast asleep through the entire transition.

As I walked downstairs I waved like I was in a ticker-tape parade that I really should have been in.

“I know hero is a strong word,” I said to my wife. “But here I am, do with me what you will!”

“Well done honey!” wifey replied excitedly.

“Now, would you mind taking out the bin? We also need to unstack the dishwasher and the dog rolled in it’s own shit, so it needs some attention.”

My moment of parental heroism was short-lived.

Catch Christo on the Flan & Emily Jade Breakfast Show which can be heard week days from 5am-9am on 102.9 Hot Tomato.

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