EMILY JADE: Christmas cards are a minefield

Do you have a hard time sending out Christmas Cards? (Hand raised) Me too, in fact if one thing stresses me out about Christmas is not the annual family fight we will have on Christmas Day because things have not turned out how Mum had planned, again. It’s not the hangover I’ll harbor from the impromptu Christmas Eve school reunion at the pub I seem to have every time I go home. A hangover I won’t be able to languish in now that I have a small human waking me in excitement at 4am. Nor is it the family gatherings with relatives who constantly post annoying food/fitness photos on Facebook. I’d block them but then THEY’D NOTICE and then there’s a really awkward silence as you ask them to pass the turkey. Nope, the most stressful aspect of the season, ironically for me is Christmas cards.

I never know if I should do a generic card with an uber Australian SNOW scene on the front. Or if I should dress the family all in white and pose with our hands so naturally resting on each others’ shoulders and take a photo to make a card that show’s our relatives how much we’ve grown/widened over the past 12 months. Am I meant to write a hand written message? And does every message need to be really personal or can I write the same lame thing in every one? And do I send them to every human I know, as in physically know, and not the ones I know on Facebook. Or do I just send them to the people I haven’t seen all year? I mean that makes sense, it’s a nice way of saying: “Hey, remember me, I’m still here, thinking of you at least once a year”. Do I send them to relatives AND friends, or just friends or just relatives, or just the ones I like from both categories? And if I just send them to the ones I like, what if the ones I don’t like see the awkward family photo card from me at the house of the people I do like and realise they didn’t get one?

It’s very, very stressful and a political minefield. Making the wrong move means you may pay for the rest of year, or receive an unfriending on Facebook.


But as much as they stress me out, I absolutely love receiving them. Love it. In fact, Christmas cards make up the majority of my Christmas decorations. Come December 1st I become impatient checking the mail morning and night. Where are your cards? WHERE ARE THEY? Don’t you know I have to decorate my house? I need something to show my kid I’ve at least put in a little bit of effort. I string them along the wall, set them up on the side board, and place a few here and there in the kitchen and on bedside tables to remind me that people have deemed me in either in a category of like…or are afraid I’ll turn up to someone else’s house and see they have sent them a card and not me. Either way I feel popular. It’s the old fashion version of having heaps of social media followers. If your house looks like Hallmark factory exploded in it means you have been a pretty good human over the past 12 months and that’s not a bad thing is it.

Feel free to pop me on your Christmas card list and I hope you have a wonderful holiday, forgive your family, and only drink good wine, which is all wine. Thank you for a wonderful year together, see you in 2016.

Emily Jade is half of the Flan & Emily Jade Breakfast Show which can be heard week days from 5am-9am on 1029 Hot Tomato.

This piece originally ran in Bmag