Funny stories from our First National Office

[signoff icon=”icon-help-circled”]IN Property management you need to keep a keen sense of humour, the days are long with not much thanks for a job well done.  So here is a snapshot of some of the requests we have had over the years.[/signoff]

INTERESTING TENANT REQUESTS…

[signoff icon=”icon-list”]”I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.”


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“The toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand?”

“I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.”

“Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.”

“I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.”

“Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.”

“I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.”

“The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.”

“Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.”

“Our toilet seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.”

“Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.”

“I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s getting too much.”

“The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.”

“Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it.”

“I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.”

“Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.”

“I have had the man from the council down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction.”

“We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.”

“This is to let you know that our toilet seat is broken and we can’t get Channel 10″

“I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.”

“I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.”

“I want to complain about the next door neighbour, their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence.”[/signoff]

INTERESTING LANDLORD REPLIES…

[signoff icon=”icon-list”]“I lived there for 24 years and the tap never leaked then”

“The oven was nearly new when they moved in 9 years ago, why should I have to repair it,  it should still be under warranty”

“Can you get 4 quotes please”

“I’ll just lock the 3rd  bedroom up with my stuff in it, the tenants wont mind, they don’t use that room”

“I’ll come and fix the front door lock myself, I’ll be there in 3 weeks when I have a free weekend”

“Why has the tenant given notice they are vacating, don’t they like living there?”

“No, the tenants can’t have Foxtell, I can’t afford it so why should they have it”

“No, don’t fix the pool pump, its winter, they don’t need the pool for another 4 months”

“I am an environmentalist, the possums in the roof have a right to be there”

“I drove past my rental property and the tenants are parking their car on the road, tell them to put it in the garage please”

“The tenants next door to our unit came home at 8.45pm  last Saturday night and were whispering very loudly in  the hall way. Can you tell them to whisper  quietly please”[/signoff]

 

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