Flan measures the cabinet and gives useful repair tips along the way.
About a week ago the 5th Aussie government in 5 years decided to listen to the polls that they claim they never take any notice of and change their leader.
“There’s only one poll that matters” they say, and that’s “election day.”
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Not only did they listen, they acted. Either the apocalypse is upon us or they were facing a politician’s greatest fear; becoming a mere voter.
We change leaders so smoothly now. It’s like driving along Bermuda Street and zim zalla bim! It becomes Ferry Road.
I’m so used to seeing Aussie Prime Minister’s get swapped out like X-factor contestants when I drive past Rudd Street I always think we should change the sign to say Rudd-Gillard-Rudd St.
When I woke up on Sunday morning I had no idea Malcolm Turnbull and I were going to have such a similar day.
See, we were both trying to fix our cabinets.
Malcolm’s day consisted of trying to build a Cabinet that would stand up to the test of time while I was trying to get my kitchen cabinet door to simply stand up.
Malcolm was locked in a series of very serious discussions over who would assume positions in the Turnbull Cabinet.
I trudged from one hardware store after another to another assuming the position of village idiot seeking an obscure European kitchen cabinet hinge.
Most of the hinges in my kitchen cabinets had seen better days thanks largely to my 8 year old acting out a wildlife documentary by swinging on the cabinet door like a crazed Madagascan Baboon and he’d managed to pull the screws out of the plywood cabinet wall. That now posed a different problem;
If I somehow did manage to find the obscure Eastern European door hinge I needed (only available on the black market behind the iron curtain minimum purchase 1000 units) how would I attach it given that the screws have gouged out the holes they were in?
Point is, I would not walk over the bridge I built. I can’t repair my way out of a brown paper bag. I have no skills. So I set myself a challenge. Could I build a cabinet that would last longer than Malcolm Turnbull’s?
That’s where my Uncle Knackers comes in.
My Uncle Knackers has awesome tips on the internet. I remembered that he’d done a video on how to repair ruined screw holes so I thought I’d have a go. Here’s what Uncle Knacker’s reckons;
If the hinge screws have pulled out of the plywood and will not hold the weight of the cabinet door then jam glue soaked match sticks into the hole and fill it up. Let the glue dry, Durr, then you can screw into that!
I know, right? Great tip Knackers. Get a load of this… I fixed something!
So, would my cabinet last longer than Malcolm’s?
Its day 4 and my cabinet is holding steady. Malcolm’s started with a wobble but has stabilised.
At the inaugural meeting of Mal’s ministers, the job title on the name plate in front of Chris Pyne had a spelling mistake.
My Cabinet is a little dodgy, the corner double-door looks to have sagged a little but the point is it’s hanging in there.
I hope our government finds it feet and cranks up the Aussie economy and we can all afford our own Giraffe but it’s going to need something to measure itself against.
I humbly tender my kitchen cabinet as the means to measure this government. It’s the least I can do for my country.
If all this chopping and changing of leaders is freaking you out, get a load of this wise meme 1029 Hot Tomato listener Lorraine Saunders sent me…
Love ya guts. Flan
Flan is half of the Flan & Emily Jade Breakfast Show which can be heard week days from 5am-9am on 1029 Hot Tomato.