FLAN: I started playing indoor cricket …

I started playing indoor cricket with a bunch of my great mates recently.  Lordy, trying to get 8 people in the one place at the same time is ridiculously hard.  The world shouldn’t be so busy.

Further, we copped two ferocious floggings (one by 200 runs) then we lost a game we could have won.  We choked.  The performances soon tracked down to sub-woeful levels.  It got so bad I thought Hot Tomato would ask for their shirts back.

The point is the thrill of victory is unknown to the Battle-hardened warriors of the indoor cricket team, Jesus Brian.


So we were all hunting for a ring-in.

We needed an 8th player who could carry us to a glorious victory that we have vowed to celebrate with a 4 day bender and full mad Monday carry-on.  Not a grand final… just a win in any game.

We had a beauty of a ring-in a couple of weeks ago but we broke him the first day we got him like a toddler tossing his Tonka under an actual truck.

Mark, the ring-in batting was brilliant, his bowling beaut! But he broke a finger wicket-keeping to our thunderbolts.

Why do the super-talents have the same chemical composition as a KitKat?

Then rumours began to swirl that someone had convinced an Australian test cricket batsman to join the Jesus Brian team.

Speculation was rife.

The doomsayers said “It’s a friend of one of our friends so it’s probably not a great player.”

The texts kept pinging back and forth across the city like; Trevor Chappell?  #UnderarmAwesome!!!

Then the answer came in; it’s Greg Ritchie.

And the text messages ceased for a while.  We were in the eye of the selection storm.  Then I realised Greg Ritchie can bloody bat.

Okay, my memory was that Greg was not the fittest bloke to ever wield the willow. But I have the skills to sew two Hot Tomato shirts together for a quality batsman.

Greg was not renowned for his running between the wicket but neither are we…..Greg Ritchie was a stylish, punishing batsman.  The members of Jesus Brian had definitely heard of people like that.

The very idea of Ritchie joining Jesus Brian immediately made me embarrassed in advance.

Possibly because I have less cricket talent than Warrick Capper has common sense.  Perhaps because if you looked up who was averaging 12.23 in 3rd grade Burgengary club cricket, that bloke would be our best batsman, daylight second, then probably Brian (the actual Brian from Jesus Brian).

Then I arrived at cricket…and it was a stitch up, Greg Ritchie turned out to be a bloke called Greg Richardson.

Needless to say we lost by 80 runs.  Seldom have so few done so little to so many!

However, I met the lion-hearted Australian opening Bowler Ryan Harris at RACV Royal Pines recently and he had this to say to the members of Jesus Brian.

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AKA the quite achiever I am arguably the greatest wicket keeper all rounder that indoor/outdoor cricket has ever experienced. I would be more than happy to deliver you guys a win…..let me know

You guys aren’t on your own. My son (49) took up Wednesday night indoor cricket, he was the reserve for any team who was left a player short, which happened regularly, then he got into the Brocolli Brothers team. They also leave a lot to be desired when it comes to scoring, but they have so much fun they couldn’t care less about coming last…Who knows, they might be your opposition one of these days..