He may have helped write the Art of the Deal but The Don is presently in a little bit of trouble getting his beloved Border Wall deal over the line.
Trump’s negotiating skills, tremendous though they are, don’t seem to be enough to overcome the evil, freedom-loving swamp people of Washington.
The poor guy is copping it left, right and centre at the moment and you know you’re doing it tough when you have to call the mean kid from The Philippines to see if they might want to be friends.
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Well Mr President, sir, you should have called us here on the Gold Coast first because we have doozy of a deal, very big-league.
You’ll love it!
For those not following US Politics, Trump and his devoted cadre of wall-loving definitely-not-racist followers want an impenetrable, bad-hombre-proof wall built along the Mexican border.
One that looks nice.
And not too expensive.
The sticking point is that a gigantic wall is not cheap and whilst Trump has politely asked the Mexicans to assist with funding, they have rudely refused.
Typical Mexicans, one minute it’s all smiles and afternoon naps then the next thing you know they’re getting all uppity about the cost of a neighbourhood fence.
Luckily for Mr Trump, we here on the Gold Coast have just the thing he is looking for.
And at a bargain price too!
It has been right here all along, in our own backyard as it were.
We call it the M1.
Think about it; a long stretch of concrete road that, no matter the time of day nor the direction of travel, is virtually impossible for motorists and pedestrians alike to penetrate.
Sure some get through, they always do – no barrier is completely impenetrable.
Who could forget the Tale of the Tradies; a cautionary tale of two intrepid travellers lulled into overconfidence by their ease of travel from Tweed to Nerang.
In their cockiness, the pair failed to stop at the Robina Maccas for food only to hit pre-dawn road works north of Helensvale on empty stomachs.
They thought they could make it to Yatala.
…if you listen very closely while lining up for the Speed Slide at Wet N Wild you can still hear their screams of hunger.
But I digress.
The deal is simple Mr President – for less than half the cost of building your 21 billion dollar wall you could have a fantastic, beautiful structure that is tried and tested over many years to be frighteningly effective at stopping people from getting where they want to go.
And as for the Gold Coast, with our 10 Billion US dollars we can start work on a road that actually works!
Then with the left-over 8 Billion we could all buy boats, motorised Skateboards and/or build an intricate system of flying foxes.
It’s a win/win Mr President so give us a call asap and let’s get this deal done – just don’t call us before 7:30pm as we will still be in traffic trying to get home!