APPARENTLY there is a push on to lasso Matilda, the bloated papier-mache kangaroo, into being the mascot of the Gold Coast’s Commonwealth Games.
Kill. Me. Now.
Last seen leaning drunkenly against a Gympie petrol station, one eye in a grotesque, permanent wink that would scare the crap out of Queen Cersei , the mascot for Brisbane’s olden time games is apparently the best some can come up with for ours.
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Sure it was rather quant to have the giant brown blob on wheels wink those weird hooker eyelashes at that other Queen back in 1982.
But we have moved on and technology has advanced by, well, leaps and bounds.
We’ve had kangaroos on bicycles since then, at the Sydney Olympics.
We even have kangaroos on barbeques quite often.
Anyway, I’ve always had my doubts about whether it was really a kangaroo or merely a wallaby.
But for something that looked like a giant dog turd on wheels to be the most memorable part of the Brisbane Commonwealth Games opening ceremony says quite a lot about that opening ceremony.
And I absolutely deny my attitude towards Matilda has been coloured by the fact a real kangaroo slapped me in the face when I was a child. Bitch.
At a business lunch for very busy people who have to go to business lunches to tell everyone just how busy they are, Mayor Tom Tate suggested Bob the Bilby or Kenny the Koala could be our mascot.
Or even, he added, Tommy the Mayor!
Ok, I made that last bit up.
But I bet he was thinking it.
Are any of those animals truly representative of the Gold Coast?
And considering the Coast’s unfettered development has almost driven the koala to extinction here, it could be a bit awkward.
I suggest we instead look to an animal that is truly representative of the Gold Coast – and I am not talking about bikies. Boom tish.
I’m talking about Lorikeets! One of those beautiful, cheeky and friendly birds would make a wonderful mascot. (Copyright The Meddler 2014)
As an added bonus we could program Larry/Lottie the Lorikeet to crap on the politicians as they elbow each other out of the way to take credit for the Games.
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