The M1: Australia’s greatest threat!

Forget North Korea and nuclear war – the single greatest threat to Australia is the Gold Coast’s M1!

I’m sure that organisers of the 2018 Commonwealth Games are excitedly expecting that the world sees what an amazing, friendly and beautiful place the Gold Coast (and by extension Australia) is when the tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands of people flock to our city next April.

Unfortunately for them (and us) upon returning home after the Games, all everyone will do is run straight to their rooms, curl up in the foetal position and rock themselves to sleep as they quietly whisper ‘M1, M1, M1.’


Not only is it the elephant in the room anytime someone brings up how amazing the 2018 Games is going to be, but it is legitimately the greatest threat to Australian tourism (not to mention global perceptions of Australian competence) since John Jarratt decided to become Mick Taylor.

A posse of hungry tiger sharks patrolling the beaches from the Spit to Snapper Rocks could not hope to wreak the havoc and damage that the M1 will come Games time.

At least in my Shark example people could just get out of the water.

With the M1, there is literally no escape.

Anyone who disagrees with me should jump in their car and go for a drive on the M1 (north or south it doesn’t matter) during peak time.

Pack a lot of water and be sure to have your phone on you so you can tell your boss/kids’ school you’ll be late.

As someone who had to do the Tweed to Molendinar run every day during the ‘upgrades’ to the M1 in 2012/3, I was almost brought to tears of joy the day the new, improved M1 was finally completed.

….that is until people started driving on it.

The choke points at Southport and Nerang just shifted down the road to Robina – to say nothing of the constant go-slow area that is Burleigh-Currumbin.

It was ‘upgraded’ like a dad fixes the handle of a mattock or shovel that is partially snapped – little bit of electrical tape and she’s all good as new.

Until pressure is applied.

Then snap.

Adding tens of thousands of tourists to an already congested freeway full of Queenslanders, who think merging is an ancient Chinese tile game, is a recipe for absolute gridlock.

30 minutes after that happens, the pacific highway and all main arterial roads will lock up.

Fans, officials, athletes – no one will be able to get anywhere.

I sure hope the Beach Volleyball at Coolangatta and the Basketball heats in Townsville are entertaining, because that could be all we see during the hours of televised delays as sports are postponed while we wait for athletes and officials to arrive at the event.

Remember all those years we had poking fun at Delhi for their shoddy planning and infrastructure leading up to 2010?

Well enjoy them, because from 2018 the world will have a new joke.