More manufacturer indiscretions: No food is safe any more!

Paleo, low-carb, low-fat, low-sugar, vegan, vegetarian: no whatever what or how you eat, someone is going to tell you you’re doing it all wrong.

We live in a world where every possible meal, diet and food type is decried by this person or that person for its potential health impacts.

On one hand the humble banana gets the thumbs down from a dietician for having too many carbs. On the other hand a super-slim health blogger swears by eating 10 bananas a day.


ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTER THIS ADVERTISEMENT


Just how are we meant to know how to fuel ourselves with the right foods to have energy and vitality, without putting on weight?

I have one idea: give up processed foods. Like, completely.

We all know that processed foods are devil incarnate – there are no fewer than 6,000 things wrong with them – but I’ve found another pretty compelling reason to give them the flick:

Human feaces and urine.

I’m sorry, you weren’t eating were you? Perhaps it’s a good time to put down your sandwich or muesli bar before you read on, because this is going to get worse before it gets better.

In the United States, breakfast cereal giant Kelloggs has just confirmed that one of its employees urinated on cereal as it was being produced on the assembly line. For those with the stomach to deal with it, there is video evidence of his indiscretion. A criminal investigation is underway to find the man on the video, which was reportedly filmed in 2014.

This is the last in a long line of food indiscretions on the part of manufacturers. There was the parmesan cheese earlier this year that was found to contain precisely no parmesan cheese, but a whole bunch of wood pulp.

There was that time last year that researchers found human DNA in sausages, which is believed to have come from human skin or faeces contamination.

It’s officially time for us to give up on any expectation of decency when it comes to mass-produced food. It’s time we all stake out a patch of lawn in the backyard and plant our own goodies.

I mean, scientists are trying to create a healthy sausage that includes components of baby poo on its list of ingredients.

I truly wish I was making this stuff up but I’m not… and God knows what the next headline will read?!

The Meddler

Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar!

Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to news@mygc.com.au