MY newborn son had surgery last week.
It was an extremely tough time for us.
Thankfully the doctors and nurses at Gold Coast Hospital in Southport who were charged with his care all did an amazing job.
He is coming home today.
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Unfortunately, a new problem exists – an even greater problem.
Exactly how to break the news to Gold Coasters that I have irrefutable proof that they simply cannot drive.
Akin to stories such as ‘Queenslanders are rubbish at sport’, the legend of poor driving within the sunshine state has been a part of the rich verbal history of New South Wales for generations.
I never thought that it was actually true ….or that I would be the one who found the proof.
But the sky (blue) gods and horrible long-term infrastructure planning have combined to provide a body of evidence so overwhelmingly comprehensive that not even an NRL Video Referee would dare refute it.
I give you Exhibit A – the 5km stretch of M1 from Varsity Lakes Station to the Currumbin Creek Bridge.
For a few hours of the early morning it is a peaceful and unassuming stretch of road, but fill it with enough sunshine state number plates and by 7am that quiet road becomes angrier and more dangerous than the Gaza Strip.
It is the merging lanes you see. That and a complete lack of knowledge of the symbiotic relationship the fast lane has with the slow lane.
From my extensive week-long research into the issue, it is beyond clear that Queenslanders are completely unaware that it is the responsibility of the vehicle entering the road to merge at a speed that does not alter the speed of vehicles already on the road.
This is to be done using the accelerator and/or brake pedals and is dependent on your current speed relative to the traffic flow.
Furthermore motorists seem in general to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that it is merely a courtesy for vehicles already on the road to make it easier/safer for merging vehicles to enter said road by temporarily changing into a lane that requires (by law) that they increase their speed.
The proof is there to see. Every single day. At almost any time of the day.
I blame the death of Atari and Frogger.
But fear not Gold Coast. I think I have a solution!
As I putted along at the breathtakingly brisk speed of 45km/hour past the West Burleigh Exit (southbound) yesterday thinking to myself how lucrative it would be to invest in a brake pedal business along the freeway there, I was reminded of a film line that may help us all to enjoy a smoother, quicker run up and down the M1.
“Hell I can’t swim, I know I can’t swim. So you know what I do? I keep my butt out of the pool!”
Touché McBride. Touché.
Here’s your chance to get your opinion in front of a larger audience. And earn a dollar! Anything from the minutiae to the meaningful, the heartfelt to the humorous, if you’ve got an issue or a rant you think Gold Coasters need to read submit it to The Meddler. There’s $50 for each contribution published. Contributions should be under 400 words, please supply contact details including a phone number. The Meddler reserves the right to edit articles submitted. Please send to firstname.lastname@example.org [/signoff]